Well, we got kissed better, but it didn't stop the biting. Unsure of what to do next, we have tried time-out. We made a little box with masking tape. When he bites us, we put him there. Tell him why he is in time-out and how it hurt us. After 30 seconds, he gets out and in sign language says he is sorry and then kisses us better.
Things seemed to go well for a few days. The biting incidents decreased. And then . . . William decided he LIKED time-out. He will start to try and bite us and I will say, "don't bite William!" and then he points over to his box and happily heads on over . . . even though he didn't actually bite me. Other times, he will bite me and then immediately point to his box and then humming to himself, head on over- before I even say anything. It doesn't even matter if we are in the basement or upstairs, he will happily take himself to time-out. Humming. Almost always kind of humming to himself. And now, he sometimes doesn't even want to leave time-out. Our child doesn't cry when we put him IN time-out, he cries when we take him OUT of time-out. That just seems wrong! We are to the point where he is going to time-out TOO much because he keeps taking himself there- even if he doesn't end up biting us (although he always starts).
Which begs the question, what is he learning from going to time-out? We had hoped it would teach him that it's unacceptable behavior and that it hurts people, so he shouldn't do it. Although there was an initial decrease, it went right back up once he decided he liked time-out. That doesn't seem to be what he is learning, even if that is what we were trying to teach him. Is my child just outsmarting me? HELP! We are going to talk about it tonight and I have some articles we are going to go over . . . . but nothing beats experience. What have you done if your child was a biter/hitter? What worked and why?
8 comments:
Ok, I know this will be way too long...I'm sending an email. Good luck!
That's hilarious. What a cute little stinker. Wish I could help you there. E sometimes doesn't care about going to time out and seems happy about it, but he isn't nearly so cheerful as William about it! You'll have to share what you figure out.
So funny. I read this out loud to Jacob and he said he would bite him back and then let him write a book about it when he was older on how his parents used to bite him. Obviously I have no idea, but is William old enough to understand time out? He is so cute! I would never have guessed he'd be a biter!
good luck! you will have to keep us posted.
Oh your story is so funny! I remember when Jordan's cousin Camber was small and she was not allowed to touch the stereo equipment...well I tried reasoning with her, and then time out, then taking her out of the room, then I smacked her hands and said "no no don't touch the buttons!" Well...she got the message...she would stand next to the stereo and smack her hands and say "NO NO!" then smile at me! Being a parent is hard huh? The next day I moved the equipment!! SHe won!! haha Be tougher on him and don't back down...he will stop! good luck!!
This is the best, worst advice I can give. You will not read about it in a book or article, in fact you will read to NEVER do this. In all of my classes, studying, and reading of parenting magazines they all agreed not to do this, but out of desperation we tried it and it works like a charm.
Bite him back.
I will tell you to use caution with this, it should only be used when everything else has failed. It should not be used for everything only the big issues that won't go away. And you are only biting hard enough to make an impression on him. (which shouldn't be that hard, it's the shock factor that gets them not the pain.)
You will feel like a bad parent but don't let them see that. The next time he bites say something loudly like "Oww that hurts, see" (loud to get his attention.. and then bite him back.) They usually cry and that is okay let them cry for a short period of time to let it sink in. Then of course give plenty of loves and explain that it hurts when he does that.
We did this with Caleb, who was a kicker. Nothing worked so I just turned around and kicked him back, he never kicked me again. It only took once.
Recently Tobi started throwing anything and everything and everyone especially Malyka. After trying several things, Eric picked up the box of toys Tobi had just chucked at Caleb. Marched him to his room and threw them at him. He has not thrown anything since. And he still tears up if you threaten it.
We never have done it hard enough to actually hurt them, and even reading over it I feel like a mean Mom, but I think it really puts things into perspective for them.
Of course you could also try to just very loudly and sternly(it's to get his attention) say: "Owww that hurts," (then walk away, refusing to give him attention for a few min.) He understands cause/effect and this would teach that if he bites Mom/Dad won't play with me. It might just do the trick.
Good luck... disciplining is my least favorite part of parenting.
Jacob is triumphant that his advice has been validated by real, live parents.
But I can't see Jordon biting William so I think it's going to be up to you. Will you film it please?
My initial response is: he's learning cause & effect.
As I was reading, an idea popped into my head. Find something he can bite and show him that he can bite it. Practice biting the toy, but kissing you.
Don't forget a follow-up post!
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